You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
