1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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