bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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