Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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