I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
