You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
