He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
