He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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