Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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