I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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