just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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