is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
