oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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