writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
