tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
