smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
