She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
