I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
