I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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