Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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