Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
