I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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