Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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