Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
