You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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