made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
