My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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