Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
