dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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