New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
