You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
