I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
