probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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