So drunk its hurt
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
