after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
