It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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