Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
