well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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