i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
