I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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