the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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