i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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