Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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