she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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