I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
