Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
