remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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