Where are you?
In a non slutty way
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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