new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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