my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
