The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
