So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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