You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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