i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
