Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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