it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
