I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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