24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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